Best Actor

Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon:
So what if he once played Dracula and looks nothing like Richard Nixon, this guy has a Tony Award! This is such a critic thing to say, but despite his appearance, he actually started to look more like Nixon the more we watched. And he made us see him as the real Nixon without making us feel sorry for this sad little man. Incredible!


Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler:
He used to be hot, now he's not. Who knew that Mickey Rourke could go from soft-core porn to an honest portrayal of an aging wrestler trying to regain his identity. Yes, I said wrestler. Despite the crazy moves and Lycra pants, this is the "Rocky" for our time. Plus, did you see that Golden Globes acceptance speech?


Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
This dude wants respect from Hollywood so badly that he's willing to ham it up as much as his life-partner is. We'd like to tell him to let go of the Jolie school of acting and focus on roles that he's really good in (i.e. supporting and non-schmaltz David Fincher). In fact, he may have given the best performance of the year in "Burn After Reading." Too bad he was funny and the Academy isn't.


Richard Jenkins, The Visitor:
We know what you're thinking: who is Richard Jenkins? Chances are, you've seen him and just didn't know it. He's had a great year, despite getting hacked up in "Burn After Reading" and playing dad to Will Ferrell's man-child in "Step Brothers." He gave the most subtle, and in our opinion best performance of the year as an aging widow trying to find his way in New York. Did you catch that use of the word subtle? Yeah, no chance at the win!


Sean Penn, Milk:
Hello, I'm an arrogant prick, but I sure can act...sometimes too much. However, in this movie, I give a perfectly nuanced performance that was the most subtle of my career. Plus, I got to complete my perfect filmography. Let's take a look:
1. Stoner (Check! Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
2. Madonna's Man-Meat (Check! Shanghai Surprise & Four Years of Marriage)
3. Soldier (Check! Casualties of War, The Thin Red Line)
4. Mobster (Check! Carlito's Way, Mystic River)
5. Death Row Inmate (Check! Dead Man Walking)
6. Intense Actor (Check! Hurlyburly)
7. Drunk Musician (Check! Sweet & Lowdown)
8. Handicapped (Check! I Am Sam)
9. Politician (Check! All the President's Men)
10. Gay (Check! Milk).
Too bad I wrongly won a few years ago for "Mystic River!" Unless Hollywood feels bad about Prop. 8, I probably won't win this year.

Will Win: Mickey Rourke
Should Win: Richard Jenkins