Slumdog Millionaire: Scott & Kirstin style!

Our fourth video synopsis of the week is, "Slumdog Millionaire."

Best Actress

Kate Winslet, The Reader:
The Susan Lucci of the Oscars knew what she was doing when she signed on to do a Holocaust movie, the awards would be pouring in. Some called it a supporting role (even though she was the only character to be played by the same actor for the film's duration), some said it was leading, some said it was poor taste, some said it made Nazi's look hot, but all said it was great! And for that we agree...she did make Nazi's hot! Oh yeah, and she amazing. If Kate doesn't win this one, watch out Meryl, we'll be on your doorstep!


Meryl Streep, Doubt:
Like we said, we'll be on your doorstep!


Angelina Jolie, Changeling:
Hello, I had the scariest poster of the year. I mean, look at it: I'm about to eat that little boy because he's a fake, and that's what I'll do to the Academy if they don't give me another damn Oscar! PLEASE RESPECT ME! I take in children, I'm a humanitarian, I sleep with Brad Pitt. Plus, I yelled and cried a lot in this movie. Must I do anything more?


Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married:
A normally irritating actress that got the memo this year. Not only did she play an addict, but she also uglified! Since the booby shot in "Brokeback Mountain" didn't help her shed that "Princess Diaries" thing, poor Anne thinks this is her year. Good luck with that.


Melissa Leo, Frozen River:
The only actress on this list that looks like a normal human being. And speaking from experience, she has that Western New York haircut down pat. She's been in this biz for years and is just now getting her due. Unfortunately, it probably won't last. Unlike Richard Jenkins, she's a woman and will be required to get plastic surgery soon if she wants to make a real go of it. :(

Will Win: Kate Winslet
Should Win: Kate Winslet

Best Actor

Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon:
So what if he once played Dracula and looks nothing like Richard Nixon, this guy has a Tony Award! This is such a critic thing to say, but despite his appearance, he actually started to look more like Nixon the more we watched. And he made us see him as the real Nixon without making us feel sorry for this sad little man. Incredible!


Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler:
He used to be hot, now he's not. Who knew that Mickey Rourke could go from soft-core porn to an honest portrayal of an aging wrestler trying to regain his identity. Yes, I said wrestler. Despite the crazy moves and Lycra pants, this is the "Rocky" for our time. Plus, did you see that Golden Globes acceptance speech?


Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
This dude wants respect from Hollywood so badly that he's willing to ham it up as much as his life-partner is. We'd like to tell him to let go of the Jolie school of acting and focus on roles that he's really good in (i.e. supporting and non-schmaltz David Fincher). In fact, he may have given the best performance of the year in "Burn After Reading." Too bad he was funny and the Academy isn't.


Richard Jenkins, The Visitor:
We know what you're thinking: who is Richard Jenkins? Chances are, you've seen him and just didn't know it. He's had a great year, despite getting hacked up in "Burn After Reading" and playing dad to Will Ferrell's man-child in "Step Brothers." He gave the most subtle, and in our opinion best performance of the year as an aging widow trying to find his way in New York. Did you catch that use of the word subtle? Yeah, no chance at the win!


Sean Penn, Milk:
Hello, I'm an arrogant prick, but I sure can act...sometimes too much. However, in this movie, I give a perfectly nuanced performance that was the most subtle of my career. Plus, I got to complete my perfect filmography. Let's take a look:
1. Stoner (Check! Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
2. Madonna's Man-Meat (Check! Shanghai Surprise & Four Years of Marriage)
3. Soldier (Check! Casualties of War, The Thin Red Line)
4. Mobster (Check! Carlito's Way, Mystic River)
5. Death Row Inmate (Check! Dead Man Walking)
6. Intense Actor (Check! Hurlyburly)
7. Drunk Musician (Check! Sweet & Lowdown)
8. Handicapped (Check! I Am Sam)
9. Politician (Check! All the President's Men)
10. Gay (Check! Milk).
Too bad I wrongly won a few years ago for "Mystic River!" Unless Hollywood feels bad about Prop. 8, I probably won't win this year.

Will Win: Mickey Rourke
Should Win: Richard Jenkins

The Reader: Scott & Kirstin style! SPOILER WARNING.

Our third video synopsis of the week is, "The Reader." SPOILERS AHEAD.

Best Supporting Actress

Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona:
1. Supporting Actress in a Woody Allen Movie (Check!)
2. Fiery Latina Stereotype (Check!)
3. Lesbian Make-Out with Scarlett Johansson (Check!)
4. Fantastic Performance (Check!)



Viola Davis, Doubt:
Isn't it great when people with the smallest roles give the best performances? Sure I was only in one and a half scenes for a 12 minute total, but I made our greatest living actress, Meryl Streep, look like she was the new drag queen in the latest performance of "Late Night Catechism."



Amy Adams, Doubt:
My career started off with a bang. That "Drop Dead Gorgeous" was super great! Then I got an Oscar nomination ("Junebug"), then I missed an Oscar nomination for playing a princess ("Enchanted"), now I'm back again. Basically, I can do no wrong. However, I'll never win this one. Viola had more energy in her 12 minutes than my character ever did! Maybe next time.



Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler:
1. Hooker with a Heart of Gold (Check!)
2. Previous Oscar Win for a Hilarious Performance that Nobody Thought I Deserved (Check!)
3. Naked in My Last Three Movies (Check!)
4. As Connie Krogh says, "She's 45, did you see that body? I'm not sure about an Oscar, but she should win something!" (Check!)
5. A Wonderful Performance that was Almost as Heartfelt as Mickey Rourke's (Check!)


Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button:
I consider this my consolation prize for not getting the "Hustle & Flow" nomination. It really is hard out here for a pimp!

Will Win: Penelope Cruz
Should Win: Viola Davis

Best Supporting Actor

Hello, my name is...

Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road:
You might remember me from such movies as "Vanilla Sky," "8 Mile," and...all right, you probably don't. Nobody knows who I am. I'm just glad to be here! In this movie, I play a nutcase in a suburban nightmare who is the only one that can see what's going on. Get it? Even though it was showy, I won't win.

Philip Seymore Hoffman, Doubt:
Let's face it, I totally rock. I'm one of the best actors out there and I was great in this movie. However, I'm so good that I'll keep getting nominated like Meryl Streep. I just won a few years ago, so I doubt this is my year.

Josh Brolin, Milk:
You may know me as Brand from, "The Goonies" or Barbara Streisand's step-son. However, I've had a great couple of years! I was in nearly every good movie in 2007, and this year I got to play two unlikeable men: former president W, and the assassin of gay leader Harvey Milk. I was nominated for the assassin. Even though I was great in the movie, I won't win. After all these roles, maybe next year I'll switch it up and go after the Republicans.

Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder:
You may remember me from years of mugshots, but I've had the ultimate comeback this year (take that Mickey Rourke!). Everyone has always known that I'm a great actor, but this year the box office spoke. Even though I should have been nominated in 2007 for "Zodiac," I got the comedy slot this year, so I have no chance of winning. Plus I was in black-face. Oh well, it's not my first nomination and it won't be my last!



Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight:
I was one of the best actors of my generation and I died young. I took the Joker and chewed it up so you never have to think about Jack Nicholson again. You're welcome. The Academy doesn't like to award posthumously, but I think they'll get over that this year. Hold that statuette dear Matilda!

Will Win: Heath Ledger
Should Win: Heath Ledger